comment 1

thoughts on a night home alone…

I am FILLED with emotions today.

My baby turned 16.

SIXTEEN.

He still likes being with us, he’s a great kid, and he’s growing much too quickly.

How am I supposed to react when my baby boy tells me he wants to be a Navy Seal?

He talks like this is going to happen.

He’d be great in the military.
We gotta get him to Boy Scout Eagle, first!

Megan.
I went to bed frustrated with her and woke up with excitement for her.

She cannot WAIT to start her life.
I wish I could make her see that her life HAS started.

It is happing NOW.

And I understand her because I STILL live like this.
I’m getting better.

I remember standing at the altar during my wedding….saying to myself…..

Look around. Take this in. This is happening to you.

I said that during labor.

I said it when my girl went to school.

I said it when I was in depression and couldn’t go on.

I say it to myself almost every day.

Look around.

Take it in.

This is happening to you.

Frankly, I don’t know how to help her.
Maybe I can’t.
This is now something she has to do.
She has to find it in her to finish school or make a change.
But it isn’t easy.
I’ve said the same things over and over in my HEAD to her, but maybe I haven’t said them to HER.

But I am so proud of her. I know there are great things in her future.
She takes that proverbial "road less travelled" I think. The road that is not paved. The road without many roadsigns.
That road.

I STRONGLY feel the need to get a place at Okoboji.

My mother loves it up there.

She has Parkinson’s Disease and I don’t want to wait.

I want to get a place where she can see the water and sit near it.

I want to do this for her.

I want to give her a summer by the lake.
Next summer might be too late.
Everything in my body is reacting to these thoughts.

Would it help her Parkinson’s?
Yes.
In HER mind and MY mind.

She once told me that she felt better when she was at the Lake.
SHE believes it.
I do too.

I have a few special projects I am working on right now.

But I seem to have attention deficit disorder and can’t get ANYTHING done!

I’m working on the pantry right now.
Then to the basement.
Then to our closet.
I think I’ll get some stuff done during Spring Break.

Dan is busy. Busier than before.
Busy in a good way.
Never too busy for me.
Never.

Life is starting to whiz by.
I’m looking around and taking it in.

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About the Author

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I'm a semi-retired mom living smack dab in the middle. Mom to @lasertron and @MattEHunt and new gramma to @aliceelfie. I attended #STS134 #NASAtweetup. I love to cook, hoard magazines and go places with my husband in his Cirrus122.

1 Comment so far

  1. You have a lot going on in your head…do you have enough Diet Coke to get you through? I can bring some over…and some spring M&M’s…

    You have a great family and they love you back…take a deep breath and trust your gut feelings…get that house on the lake…watch the kids make decisions…hug your honey.

    It’ll be okay, mom.

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